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Falco/Transcript
[Sonic, Tails, Dr. Eggman, and Earthworm Jim arrive to the Great Fox, carrying ''Galaga bugs.] '''Sonic': Yeah, let's cook the Galaga fuckers up to celebrate another successful mission! Tails: Successful? We killed like 40 innocent bystanders and, once again, I don't think we're getting paid. Sonic: Nobody likes you tails. [Camera pans to see Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, Peppy Hare, and Slippy Toad.] Fox McCloud: So these are the assholes that trashed my ship, huh? Sonic: Well look who it is... uh... Darth Vader? I don't know, I'm no good with names... faces, places, or things. Tails: It's Fox McCloud. And hey, we're the "assholes" that have been doing your job for you. Where have you been? Fox McCloud: Me and Falco were on Earth and became huge movie stars with the help of this weird, pink, penis-looking guy. Sonic: [laughs] What an incredible waste of time. Fox McCloud: Falco, show these losers the door while I go see what else they fucked up. [Fox McCloud walks off-screen.] Fox: AHHH! What the fuck is in the bathtub!? Mother Brain: Oooh, come here and give Mother Brain a pounding headache! Falco Lombardi: OK, you heard Fox. Hit the road! Sonic: Or what? [Falco Lombardi takes out his blaster and fires a blast at Slippy Toad's foot, disintegrating it.] Peppy Hare: Slippy! You-you alright there buddy? Slippy Toad: Sure, hot dogs sound great right now. Falco Lombardi: OK, that didn't really work, but you get the idea. Sonic: Not really. I mean, isn't Space Frog on your team? Falco Lombardi: Whatever! There's only one way to settle this! Dr. Eggman: Family Feud! Falco Lombardi: What? No, a Space Race. An all-out flying obstacle course testing your skill and strength. Winner gets the ship. You in vagina? Sonic: You're on, bird flu! [Sonic turns to Dr. Eggman.] Sonic: Hey Fatso, I need you to work some of your mechanical magic on my ship so I can beat this fucker. Dr. Eggman: Gotcha. How many deep fryers can I put you down for? Sonic: No deep fryers! Dr. Eggman: Alright, really tying my hands here but, uh, I'll see what I can do. [The Space Race logo appears, transitioning scenes to Sonic in his Arwing with four deep fryers.] Dr. Eggman: OK Sonic, press the red button late in the race to give your ship a little extra edge. Sonic: Perfect! Couldn't help yourself with the deep fryers there, huh? Dr. Eggman: Rodger that. [Camera pans to see Sonic and Falco Lombardi in their Arwings outside the Great Fox.] Peppy Hare: OK, first one to maneuver their ships through the course and complete two laps around Area 6 wins. Falco Lombardi: You're going down, Sonic! Sonic: Eh, I don't think so. Peppy Hare: On your marks, get set, [Sonic pushes the red button, causing two maces to appear out of the Arwing.] Falco Lombardi: What the hell is tha- [The two maces smash into Falco Lombardi's Arwing. Missiles are then fired from Sonic's Arwing, which hit Falco Lombardi's Arwing. Two large hands appear, with one grabbing the Arwing and the other punching it. More missiles are fired at the Arwing, and the hands crush it. A third set of missiles are fired, followed by a bomb that floats towards Falco Lombardi's Arwing and explodes, destroying it.] Peppy Hare: GO! [Ending sequence. Scene transitions to Fox McCloud inside the Great Fox covered in slime.] Fox McCloud: You fuckers are gonna pay for this! Right after I down a half a dozen roofies and wash the disgusting brain sex of of me.